Back when I was running for state rep in MA in 2018, I approached the door of a man (tinkering with his lawn mower outside) whose neighbor, driving by, joked "Don't even bother talking to him! He'd shoot Bambi if he could!"
I had a lot of doors to knock and could have easily kept going or simply let my schpiel fall on deaf ears, but my goal was not only to win, but also to begin mending our fracturing community.
So I asked him directly, with a lopsided smile: Seriously? Would you actually shoot Bambi? It turns out that yes, he would.
That led to one of the most memorable conversations of my campaign. The guy, a hard-core Trump supporter, was deeply concerned about the merciless bullying his daughter was getting at school because of his unpopular beliefs. We talked for nearly 30 minutes (wasted, according to the rules of a campaign, but perfect, according to my own), and both agreed that it had been incredibly valuable (though no minds were changed).
For me, one of the biggest antidotes to the fear-spiral is a combination of curiosity and humor. Humor and curiosity are intensely human and humanizing. That conversation, and the many like it I had for two years (and again in 2020 and again this year as I've continued to knock on hundreds of doors, now in Colorado) makes me genuinely optimistic about the possibilities of addressing the dynamic at the heart of this post.
It will not EVER, as far as I can tell, be accomplished indirectly, through mediation of any kind. It MUST occur at the level of the community. It is also, by the way, not a bad way of life. Getting out of the house, talking to people, learning about their lives, feeling more connected to those around us and grateful for what we have. And yes, much less fearful. Which is to say, heartened.
Bob—Loved to post election reflection. I think it would be a public service to post or publish this one more broadly — happy to post to my LinkedIn feed if you are up for it—we have to get people calmed down and talking—and reading this was even calming for me. The inflated rhetoric, and lowered standard for bad behavior, also leads to dehumanizing the other “tribes”. Best to you—KR
Wonderful, sensible thoughts. I second or third the wish that such calming and constructive ideas could somehow go viral. "The only thing we have to fear is fear itself," updated for our times in a much less catchy way, might be, "One of the main things we have to fear--or at least be concerned about--is the self-escalatory tendency of tribe-based adversarialism." (That mouthful is certainly not going to go viral (-:)
I would agree that it would be great to distribute this further than in the paid newsletter. Reading this piece today sends me into something close to despair. The whole political thing seems hopeless as it is not likely that the whole dynamic will work out in a best case scenario. The "manipulative elites" you reference are ever with us and the issue of low information or no information voters powered by fear (and what information they do get is inside their echo chambers) is high. I have been accused of being a pessimist. I don't think I am. I think I am a hard bitten realist and my assessment is indeed the USA/world is heading into a train wreck from existential threats that I don't think will end well. As for the USA political situation well, 2024 will likely be a very decisive data point with or without Trump and/or Biden as the candidates. Maybe I should take a "public intellectual" diet he says with a smile.
What a brilliant piece Bob. I agree with many of the above comments about distributing the content further.
I’ve been finding I’ve been using cognitive empathy much more when dealing with people with opposing views( my son in particular!)
I’m sharing this newsletter with friends and family who, like me are British and live in the uk. Hoping they too will pass it on and like ripples from a pebble tossed into the water it will expand.
Thinking on the subject of fear cycles that so affected myself and entire generations is the nuclear arms race. From Hiroshima to ballistic missiles to nuclear test explosions to fallout to shelters to armed submarines to anti-ballistic missiles to proliferation to treaties and broken treaties and now hypersonic missiles. Mistrust and trust. And fear on all sides.
Hello, I agree with Kathryn. It would be a public service to publish this widely. It so clearly demonstrates that the frightening language can come from all sides, and can be amplified by all media outlets.
I was flabbergasted by the Beschloss quote at first, but then cognitive empathy kicked in, and I considered that perhaps Beschloss was talking about adult or young adult children who might take to the streets to oppose Trumpian authoritarian actions, not nine year olds. He’s old enough to consider 30 year olds as children - someone’s children, anyway.
It's simply not true that the Hunter Biden laptop story "turned out to be true", certainly not in the sense that everyone who was ranting about it -- Rudy G., for instance -- was accurate in all their assertions. As I'm sure you know -- it's easily Googlable and was covered ad nauseam at the time -- the "the laptop shows corruption!" crowd said that emails (which they only provided screenshots of, not the actual emails... one has to ask, why did they do that if it was all "true"?) showed that Joe, now President, Biden, had received funds from Chinese businessmen as part of deals. However, what the emails showed, as I'm sure you know, is that there were some mysterious discussions about a "big guy" -- unnamed beyond that -- who would receive some funds. Was this therefore all "true"? Only if you're a right wing conspiracy theorist.
Thank you, Dr. Wright, for thinking and writing so profoundly about fear and the historical and current practice of interpreting defensiveness as offensiveness. This bring up, for me, the writing and thinking of Byron Katie Mitchell who wrote "Loving What Is," as well as other books which encourage us, in our personal lives, to inquire into our beliefs and thoughts -- to ask "Is this belief true?" and then further "Can I absolutely know it's true?" Two favorite Byron Katie quotes are "Defense is the first act of war" and "All war belongs on paper." For more information about how to create peace within ourselves and then ultimately in the world, to end suffering, please go to Byron Katie's website www.thework.com.
Back when I was running for state rep in MA in 2018, I approached the door of a man (tinkering with his lawn mower outside) whose neighbor, driving by, joked "Don't even bother talking to him! He'd shoot Bambi if he could!"
I had a lot of doors to knock and could have easily kept going or simply let my schpiel fall on deaf ears, but my goal was not only to win, but also to begin mending our fracturing community.
So I asked him directly, with a lopsided smile: Seriously? Would you actually shoot Bambi? It turns out that yes, he would.
That led to one of the most memorable conversations of my campaign. The guy, a hard-core Trump supporter, was deeply concerned about the merciless bullying his daughter was getting at school because of his unpopular beliefs. We talked for nearly 30 minutes (wasted, according to the rules of a campaign, but perfect, according to my own), and both agreed that it had been incredibly valuable (though no minds were changed).
For me, one of the biggest antidotes to the fear-spiral is a combination of curiosity and humor. Humor and curiosity are intensely human and humanizing. That conversation, and the many like it I had for two years (and again in 2020 and again this year as I've continued to knock on hundreds of doors, now in Colorado) makes me genuinely optimistic about the possibilities of addressing the dynamic at the heart of this post.
It will not EVER, as far as I can tell, be accomplished indirectly, through mediation of any kind. It MUST occur at the level of the community. It is also, by the way, not a bad way of life. Getting out of the house, talking to people, learning about their lives, feeling more connected to those around us and grateful for what we have. And yes, much less fearful. Which is to say, heartened.
Bob—Loved to post election reflection. I think it would be a public service to post or publish this one more broadly — happy to post to my LinkedIn feed if you are up for it—we have to get people calmed down and talking—and reading this was even calming for me. The inflated rhetoric, and lowered standard for bad behavior, also leads to dehumanizing the other “tribes”. Best to you—KR
Wonderful, sensible thoughts. I second or third the wish that such calming and constructive ideas could somehow go viral. "The only thing we have to fear is fear itself," updated for our times in a much less catchy way, might be, "One of the main things we have to fear--or at least be concerned about--is the self-escalatory tendency of tribe-based adversarialism." (That mouthful is certainly not going to go viral (-:)
I would agree that it would be great to distribute this further than in the paid newsletter. Reading this piece today sends me into something close to despair. The whole political thing seems hopeless as it is not likely that the whole dynamic will work out in a best case scenario. The "manipulative elites" you reference are ever with us and the issue of low information or no information voters powered by fear (and what information they do get is inside their echo chambers) is high. I have been accused of being a pessimist. I don't think I am. I think I am a hard bitten realist and my assessment is indeed the USA/world is heading into a train wreck from existential threats that I don't think will end well. As for the USA political situation well, 2024 will likely be a very decisive data point with or without Trump and/or Biden as the candidates. Maybe I should take a "public intellectual" diet he says with a smile.
What a brilliant piece Bob. I agree with many of the above comments about distributing the content further.
I’ve been finding I’ve been using cognitive empathy much more when dealing with people with opposing views( my son in particular!)
I’m sharing this newsletter with friends and family who, like me are British and live in the uk. Hoping they too will pass it on and like ripples from a pebble tossed into the water it will expand.
Nameste
Thank you
Thinking on the subject of fear cycles that so affected myself and entire generations is the nuclear arms race. From Hiroshima to ballistic missiles to nuclear test explosions to fallout to shelters to armed submarines to anti-ballistic missiles to proliferation to treaties and broken treaties and now hypersonic missiles. Mistrust and trust. And fear on all sides.
Hello, I agree with Kathryn. It would be a public service to publish this widely. It so clearly demonstrates that the frightening language can come from all sides, and can be amplified by all media outlets.
Many thanks
I was flabbergasted by the Beschloss quote at first, but then cognitive empathy kicked in, and I considered that perhaps Beschloss was talking about adult or young adult children who might take to the streets to oppose Trumpian authoritarian actions, not nine year olds. He’s old enough to consider 30 year olds as children - someone’s children, anyway.
It's simply not true that the Hunter Biden laptop story "turned out to be true", certainly not in the sense that everyone who was ranting about it -- Rudy G., for instance -- was accurate in all their assertions. As I'm sure you know -- it's easily Googlable and was covered ad nauseam at the time -- the "the laptop shows corruption!" crowd said that emails (which they only provided screenshots of, not the actual emails... one has to ask, why did they do that if it was all "true"?) showed that Joe, now President, Biden, had received funds from Chinese businessmen as part of deals. However, what the emails showed, as I'm sure you know, is that there were some mysterious discussions about a "big guy" -- unnamed beyond that -- who would receive some funds. Was this therefore all "true"? Only if you're a right wing conspiracy theorist.
Thank you, Dr. Wright, for thinking and writing so profoundly about fear and the historical and current practice of interpreting defensiveness as offensiveness. This bring up, for me, the writing and thinking of Byron Katie Mitchell who wrote "Loving What Is," as well as other books which encourage us, in our personal lives, to inquire into our beliefs and thoughts -- to ask "Is this belief true?" and then further "Can I absolutely know it's true?" Two favorite Byron Katie quotes are "Defense is the first act of war" and "All war belongs on paper." For more information about how to create peace within ourselves and then ultimately in the world, to end suffering, please go to Byron Katie's website www.thework.com.